the
bandana

Player: Mike Allison

Supporting Role: Tottenham Hotspur & England

Characterisation: A newcomer to the Lags fold, Allison plies his defensive trade in Germany these days. A left-sided midfielder when he left Blighty, the wily tactical geniuses of Cologne decided to employ his 5'6" prowess in the air at the heart of the defence (if only he'd stayed where he was, he'd probably be starting for Kelvin Koogan's England side in Euro2000 this summer!). Allison also boasts two dodgy ankles, although this will clearly evoke little sympathy in a side that has had to suffer Grassie all these years.

BCR=9*: Rumour has it that Allison has already selected his sleeping partner, which is a pity because he has a lot going for him. A psychological flaw causes him to lay alcohol-related bets on England beating Germany at the drop of a hat, so there would have been much beer to be won by someone. Also unlikely to steal your hair-care products, apparently.

*BCR Guide: The value assigned to each Lag represents the individual's BED COMPATIBILITY RATING (out of ten) - a purely subjective rating which attempts to measure just how good it might be to sleep with each Lag.