It sounded like a ridiculous Sunday Sport story but it was in fact true. Keith Sidaway, centre-forward without compare, IOD member and great cricketing all-rounder was discovered unconscious on a Normandy beach around midday last Sunday, wearing women's clothing. When revived the great man did not attempt to explain these somewhat suspicious circumstances, but instead his first question was "Do you know how Logica got on?". Luckily, the disbelieving Gendarmes in attendance had been tuned into Radio Cinq Live all morning, and could report that the 'garcons' had in fact scored their first victory in the Wandsworth and District League by defeating North End by four goals to three. With this news, Sidaway once more slumped into a coma.

Oblivious to this surreal scenario on the other side of the channel, the afore-mentioned 'garcons' were celebrating in the warm and cosy interior of the Beverley public house in Morden, and all maintained a distinctly male leaning in their attire. So how had this great victory come about? Well, with great skill, endeavour and the odd missed heart-beat towards the end.

The day began well as all the appointed players appeared at Raynes Park station, and they were joined at Logica's new home ground by locals Woolhouse and Read so that the team totalled an optimistic thirteen (there was even a record crowd of three). Logica adjusted quickly to this new eleven man tactic and soon chances were being created. Within five minutes an exquisite forty yard pass from libero Dick sent Abbott clear, and the ex-midfielder does not miss chances like that (well, not today anyway) and duly beat the exposed North End goalkeeper. This early strike was consolidated by solid defending with debutante Derek Moore outstanding as he broke down a couple of promising North End attacks.

Logica continued to play as the preceding week, and chances were created with great regularity. Good interchange between Masting and Spence permitted the latter to play in his attacking partner, but this time Abbott hit a post with his first time shot. Next Spence was clear, but scuffed his shot as the ball hit one of many divots in a patchy pitch. The well-practised near post corner nearly reaped dividends as an accurate dead-ball kick by Woolhouse found Abbott peeling off said post, but his glancing header again struck the woodwork. Finally though Abbott managed to beat the posts, as Woolhouse played him in past a square back-four and this time Abbott tempted the keeper before side-stepping and slotting home.

A two goal lead was no more than the home side deserved, but there was no laurel-resting and further chances came and went, as the state of the pitch rather than the quality of defending denied Logica further goals. Lambert was sent clear by Abbott but couldn't get a clean shot, and then Abbott, again clean through after a mis-hit back pass, hit a bobbling ball horribly wide to an audible groan from the massed banks of Logica supporters away to the right. In between these chances, North End tried hard to claw their way back into it, but the a series of corners and crosses found Wildsmith in immaculate form, and the Logica keeper showed great confidence in coming to catch these crosses and spare his defenders any trouble. It was not until the last minute of the first half that a cross was good enough to keep Wildsmith on his line, but then the unmarked North End forward fortunately headed the post rather than the ball and the chance was missed.

The second half continued in a similar vain with Logica largely untroubled by last season's promoted team, whilst carving out chances of their own. A ball from Hatton to Abbott saw the Logica forward back- heel a pass into Spence's path, but the Aberdonian's shot was not quite powerful enough. Then a third goal arrived. A good move down the right ended with the ball at Spence's feet. He saw Abbott making a good run and played a subtle pass forward, and Abbott was first to the ball as keeper and defender converged, and although his shot was blocked by the keeper, Lambert was following up and tapped into an empty net to maintain his excellent record of only failing to score in one of his seven games for Logica.

Now Logica nearly spoilt all their good work as they took their collective foot off the pedal, and relaxed. North End took advantage and came right back into the game dramatically with two goals in a minute, the second from a free-kick which was flicked on and headed home despite Wildsmith getting a hand to the ball. Logica began to tire and lost their midfield dominance temporarily. The back three, though, held firm, with Dick outstanding and using his vast experience to calm matters. Where others would opt to head the continual bombardment of North End high balls into touch, Dick would coolly take the ball on his chest, side-step a challenge and pass to a well- positioned colleague.

In a bid to regain the upper hand, Masting was replaced by Millar to add some fresh legs, and shortly afterwards the injured Hatton finally had to give way to new boy Donavan. This rejuvenated Logica struck almost instantly, although through no great play of their own. A long ball was won in the air by Spence but could only be directed at the keeper, who moved forward casually to collect. Inexplicably he missed the trundling ball completely, and Abbott, who had closed merely out of habit, found himself with ball and open goal. Before he could believe his luck, the North End keeper put a second bid in for the nickname 'El Loco' by rugby tackling Abbott to the ground. The referee decided not to send off the offender, but Abbott slotted home the penalty to give him his hat-trick, and restore Logica's two goal lead. Again Logica should have now taken the game comfortably. Abbott on went a superb run down the left, leaving two defenders in his wake, but his angled cross beat defenders and attackers alike. North End started to get frustrated and three of their players were booked for niggly fouls and dissent.

Still, Logica were determined to make a game of it, and keep the vast home support on the edge of their seats until the final whistle. A bizarre North End substitution saw a new keeper appear whilst 'El Loco' found himself up front. Within a minute Roy of the Rovers had waved his magic wand and the villainous goal minder turned hero as his low shot evaded Wildsmith to make the score 4-3. The remaining ten minutes were tense, and although it seemed much worse at the time, there was only one serious chance for North End as a cross caused panic in the Logica ranks. Wildsmith got a hand to the cross to foil one attacker, and as the ball ran loose to another, managed to get a fingertip to the ball to push it away and Read completed the clearance. This double-act of heroism earned the man between the sticks a dislocated finger, but also earned Logica their first win in their new league.

Fantastic scenes of celebration followed as the Logica fans ran onto the pitch at the final whistle and engulfed the jubilant players. This scene was somewhat in contrast to the sombre mood in Le Harvre, where a dishevelled, sodden and rather stout figure in long skirts boarded a ferry heading for 'Ol' Blighty' somewhat worried about his planned activities for the following Sunday.