mr.
big

Player: Keith Sidaway

Supporting Role: Newcastle United & England

Characterisation: Ageing and self-styled Legend who has hung his boots up after every Logica Tour since Readie was a nipper. Once a prolific striker in the best of Big Geordie Number Nine traditions, Sid now spends much of his well-earned retirement penning poetry, planning testimonial scams and turning out for the occasional cameo appearance as a 'midfield engine room'. Notoriously poor goalscoring record on the continent(s).

BCR=0*: Avoid at all costs unless you possess ear-plugs, water-proof pyjamas, a penchant for late-night quirky rhymes and some kind of psychiatric qualification which specialises in "Cup Final Saturday Desolation Syndrome".

*BCR Guide: The value assigned to each Lag represents the individual's BED COMPATIBILITY RATING (out of ten) - a purely subjective rating which attempts to measure just how good it might be to sleep with each Lag.