mr."half
time"
orange

Player: David Richmond

Supporting Role: Wolverhampton Wanderers & England

Characterisation: One of the most brilliant footballers ever to don a Lags shirt, Skippy (for it is he) is criticised in some quarters for frittering away this huge talent on time-wasting trivialities such as cricket, golf, basketball and DIY. A colossus in the centre of defence, or a match-winning box-to-box merchant in the middle of midfield, the Lags opponents in Lyon should be warned that to beat us they will have to get past Skippy first.

BCR=5*: A convivial and good-humoured lad, Skippy may not be to everybody's nocturnal taste. If you don't fancy an incomprehensible stream of motivational mixed metaphors and bobbling cliches just prior to going to bed, plus more of the same half way through the night, then look elsewhere for a good nights kip. Whilst the poor excuses for non-appearance at breakfast, leaving the top off the toothpaste etc, may be amusing at first, they will soon begin to wear thin.

*BCR Guide: The value assigned to each Lag represents the individual's BED COMPATIBILITY RATING (out of ten) - a purely subjective rating which attempts to measure just how good it might be to sleep with each Lag.