twin b

Player: Brendan MacKinney

Supporting Role: Nottingham Forest & England

Characterisation: This lanky playmaker has not been selected for international duty since his sordid involvement in the infamous consumption betting scandals during a tour to Ostend in the early nineties. It is perhaps not coincidence that the boy from Nottingham has returned to the international fold just in time for a tour to the Gastronomical Capital of France - punters be on your guard! Justly revered for the elegance and accuracy of his bipedal distribution (i.e. he can spray it about with both pegs), the experts are however yet to explain how someone clocking in at 6'7" can be so shite in the air.

BCR=2*: Any Lag considering Mackinney Major as a sleeping partner should be made fully aware that they will not get a wink of sleep with that bloody room service knocking on the door every five minutes.

*BCR Guide: The value assigned to each Lag represents the individual's BED COMPATIBILITY RATING (out of ten) - a purely subjective rating which attempts to measure just how good it might be to sleep with each Lag.