mr.red

Player: Mark Abbott

Supporting Role: Liverpool & England

Characterisation: A Lag whose lack of pace and fitness belies his relative youth. Abbott has controversially transferred his ineffective and unnecessary over-elaboration from the tight spaces of the football fields, to the vast cyber-space of the new football media. Despite topping the goalscoring charts again this season, Abbott has received wide spread criticism for his profligacy in front of goal. Inspired by The Bard of BG, Abbott has developed a passing interest in poetry c.f. "My feet are my quills; the ball my ink; the pitches are the blank pages I fill with my finely crafted art."

BCR=7*: Reliable "If Selected..." sources indicate few bad sleeping habits, although prospective partners may have their work cut out rousing him from his slumber on the morning of the match. Those with a penchant for talking in their sleep should also be prepared to find their nocturnal mutterings splashed across the pages of a certain international cyber-rag.

*BCR Guide: The value assigned to each Lag represents the individual's BED COMPATIBILITY RATING (out of ten) - a purely subjective rating which attempts to measure just how good it might be to sleep with each Lag.